The Final Reflection

End The Funeral With A Wedding

2009-09-08T20:16:00.008-04:00

This was surely unexpected for the guests that attended this funeral. What incredible strength this couple had after their young child's funeral...Honoring their child's wish...Getting married.

Asha Hill's parent's tied the knot. Many couples marriages end in divorce once they loose a child, yet this couple made a new commitment during the most difficult hours in their lives. Imagine over a thousand guests were mourning the loss of Asha, and then the surprise at the end of the service...a wedding. Amazing, bittersweet and a funeral that will never be forgotten.

Home Funerals

2009-05-03T19:17:00.008-04:00

I listened to an interesting conversation regarding home funerals on NPR

a few days ago. I am not sure I am up for all the cleansing and anointing of the body, but I understand that there are many benefits for immediate family members who partake in home funerals. I do think we are all in a rush to call the funeral home once someone passes. It seems like there is a big rush to hurry up and plan. And while I understand that keeping the surviving family busy helps with the immediate shock and grief, we need to slow down.

I wish I had spent time more time with the two most important men in my life when they died. I understand that hospitals, hospice, and nursing homes need beds for the next person who is in need, but maybe they should start providing private areas where families can be with the deceased. Every second is final. Every family needs time to think if they want to spend more time with the deceased. We need time to make sure we have spent enough time. I certainly wish I had spent more time with my father and husband. I did have a sense of urgency... for what I am not sure.....maybe because I knew the end was here.

What would you do for this family?

2009-04-08T08:47:00.006-04:00

Maddie Alice Spohrs

November 11, 2007- April 7, 2009

I know the loss of a child is the most difficult death to face. But preparing for a meaningful service for the family and friends is critical. It can change the tone of a dreaded service and help with the closure element immensely. Maddie was one special toddler, and this service needs to be done right.

Suggestions to share with the family for the service? Here are a few suggestions~

Encourage to have the service at dusk, candlelight, lots of candles flickering.

play instrumental lullaby's on the sound system,

Or perhaps have a harpist play.

Create a program that has photos of Maddie.

Add Maddie's favorite book verse on the back of the program.

Offer a white blanket to place over Maddie in her casket and have it personalized with a message to Maddie from her parents.

Offer the family take aways for the guest.

Maybe the take away gift is an angel pin.

A stuffed animal with a tag attached " Maddie's favorite animal".

A small framed photograph of Maddie.

Give guests an envelope with a request card for donations to the foundation of their choice.

Encouraging the mother and father or siblings to speak at the service.

Serve miniature cupcakes with pink frosting after the service. Maddie loved cupcakes.

Offer the family a special linen or silk register book with a photograph of Maddie on the cover

Allow the guest to journal in this special register book.

Think this one through. It is a special opportunity.

thren-o-dy

2009-03-05T20:07:00.002-05:00

New word to add to your repertoire

threnody

noun plural -dies (thren-uh-dee)

a poem, speech, or song of lamentation, esp. for the dead; dirge; funeral song.

Don't Forget The Videographer

2009-02-23T20:32:00.002-05:00

2 down and 2 DVD's. Having someone tape my husbands' and my fathers' memorial service is still one of the most important "no brainer" decision I made when planning their services. Brides don't think twice about hiring a videographer to shoot their wedding and neither should any family putting on a funeral, visitation, or memorial service.

This service should be so easy for any director to sell. It needs to be done professionally and not passed off to a family member. Tell any family member that suggests he will take the video, that he needs to support the family, not hide behind a camera. Ok, you get my drift.

Families members sent the DVD of my father's service to friends across the country and abroad. Friends have called up my mother thanking her for sending them the DVD and sharing thoughts about the speakers, the music, and the grandchildren.

Talk about not knowing what to say to a grieving family member! A DVD can be a great conversation starter.

We added my father's favorite songs, interviewed some of his friends and had that edited into the DVD. I don't have to try to remember that day, I just slip the DVD into my computer and can treasure that moment, even if only for a few moments.

Casket $1,200.00

Hearse $650.00

Death Certificate $20.00

DVD - PRICELESS

Product Placement

2009-02-17T14:09:00.005-05:00

No matter what, even in this sour economy every funeral director should be looking for something new, different and unique. Something that piques interest and keeps the momentum and excitement going in our business. After all, I have heard that funeral directors are like wedding and event planners.

Funeral directors can deliver big impact with smaller budgets...

Details

2009-01-27T16:42:00.009-05:00

This was the program that we put together for Dad's service. We took the travel image and created a collage. Each photo represents a passion or special place in my father's life experiences.

The grandson's passed out the programs. They felt as though they were contributing to the service. It was wonderful to see them interact with the guests. December 12th will be a bittersweet memory that they will be able to reflect upon when they think of their grandfather.

My daughter was in charge of making sure everyone signed the register book. Once again another opportunity for a child to feel like they are taking on an important responsibility.

A sampling of a few details that made the morning perfect. Obviously with Dad missing it wasn't perfect, but he sure would have been proud of how we commemorated his achievements.

Police managed the parking lot and to open the doors for the guests.
Signage was immediately visible so the guests they knew exactly where they were going for the service.
Greeters were placed in the lobby leading to the ballroom and the register book.
Dad's favorite music was playing before and after the service to create more ambiance.
The program stated the music playing before and after the service were Dad's favorite songs.
Coat Rack was out of sight, but available for the guests.
Restrooms were checked, lights on and clean. Ample kleenex.
Skirted tables were set up for displaying Dad's memorabilia with additional lighting.
Flowers arrangements were placed around the lobby, not just clustered in one area.
Yes, even though you don't light candles during the day, we had a evergreen scented candle adorn with greenery by my father's large photograph.
A few days prior to the service, the people involved in the service did a walk through of the venue and went over the program.
The food was sampled several days prior to the service.
Food, hot and cold beverages were served to the guest immediately following the service.

~ Part Two Of Details Tomorrow ~

One Step At A Time

2009-01-07T20:48:00.005-05:00

Dad Graduating from Washington & Lee

My life has not been mine for over a 7 weeks now. I am trying to do anything I can to help ease the pain of my Mother's loss. It has not been hell, but it has been very difficult. I keep saying to myself, I can get through this, I have done this once before. I just wasn't ready to deal with grief again.

Another huge learning curve for me. A huge learning curve for anyone who has to now walk a different path. A new path, not sure of the way. You know you will find your way. Signage is helpful, but instinct leads the way. There is no map for this path, no dress rehearsal for walking down this new path. Slow and steady steps as you proceed down this new path.

I am moving full speed ahead with some things and with other things, I just can't seem to move fast enough.

RIP April 8th, 1931 - December 03rd, 2008

2008-12-19T09:17:00.011-05:00

As painful is this to post, I must. My mother and father were married for 48 years. No one saw this coming, but it is the beginning of a new chapter in my life. My heart aches for my mother, who has only know life with my father. My heart aches for my daughter, who so loved her grandfather. Words can not describe the sadness that I feel with my father not here. Here are some photos of my beloved father. The top photo was taken at the Sanctuary Resort, Kiawah Island, South Carolina. The other photo was in the fall of 2007 on the Eiffel Tower, Paris.

As time passes, I will want to share with you just how we Celebrated his life. But I am not ready quite yet.

A Very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. With Gratitude, Deidre

Pray

2008-12-01T16:12:00.004-05:00

My father, a strong man, who has accomplished many great things in his life, is being faced with a new challenge. He has been in the ICU for 9 days now. I have told him that he is in the battlefield to fight off the enemy. I really believe that he is in God's hands. A huge lesson in patience for me.

I have not forgotten about this blog, rather reflecting on The Final Reflection. I am here, just not able to write at this time. I will keep you updated.

With deepest gratitude for all that my father has taught me over the years and how wonderful life is with him here.

Real People, Real Time

2008-11-18T18:17:00.008-05:00

I came across this article today on CNN.com.

This is a simple story about a daughter who decided what was best for her and her mother's death during this recession. The story is filled with respect, thoughtfulness and "out of the box ideas."

The California Fires - A Different Kind Of Grief

2008-11-18T07:00:00.002-05:00

These photos are very difficult to look at. There is a huge sense of loss that has taken place in several parts of California. I think folks that are experiencing the loss of their home, friends and neighbors is like experiencing the death of a loved one. There old life will never be the same. Today is the beginning of their new life. I bet they are going to cycle through the different stages of grief. I think shock is where they are today.
There was no time to say goodbye. The fire too fast and too hot. People were not in control of stopping the fire, and no one could stop the clock. The loss happened at 7:oo a.m. & 7:oo p.m. A day and time these people will never forget.
Visitations and memorial services started today. People returning to their burnt structures. People touching the remnants of their belongings and taking something with them. Anything. People making arrangements. Arrangements on how deal with the body(house).

~Saying goodbye to a dwelling place that housed so many memories ~

Thailand Remembering a Princess

2008-11-17T13:10:00.002-05:00

R.I.P.

Ten months after her death, this princess is bringing her country together in unity. It took the people ten months to build the princess her own crematorium for her embalmed body! Some 2, 000 soldier's participated in the procession. She must have been one special princess.

Another Loss in Iraq

2008-11-13T17:47:00.010-05:00

I was driving along today and I had to pull over to read these flashing signs. I was afraid I was going to swerve off the road. I have never seen constructions signs used as an obituary! I did not take a photo of the gentleman's name, but he was a local who had lost his life a few days ago while on tour in Iraq.

I am not sure if I were his immediate family that I would like to drive by this sign. It seems very impersonal, but someone cared enough to program this sign and make it light up at 8:00 a.m. I just happen to drive by the sign tonight and it was blinking. No, I would not want that for my loved one. Maybe a sign blinking," come celebrate the life of U.S. Army....."

Should Funeral Directors Blog?

2008-11-12T07:25:00.006-05:00

I was reading an article this morning on Funeralwire.com regarding why funeral directors should blog. Although I agree that most information these days is passed along via the internet, I don't agree with Sam Bowley's opinion, that FD should blog.

Blogging takes a lot of time. Clearly I have shown my readers it is either feast or famine with this blog. Most consumers on the internet who are reading about death, are probably trying to gather information, or thinking about facing the certainty of death of their loved one.

Sam writes about getting additional exposure on search engines when you blog. If I had a Funeral Home, I would concentrate on putting my energy into making the Funeral Home's website top notch. Constantly updating the site. I would provide my families with information and more information. I would want to see photos of the Directors I could be dealing with at a particular home. I would need to envision myself interacting with them as I view their photos.

You could loose business if someone read a Funeral Director's blog and totally disagreed with their view or thought what they wrote was rubbish. There is a risk with blogging, and it might turn a family off from doing business with your Funeral Home. A chance I would not take!

If I were faced with a death, the last think I would do is read a Funeral Director's blog. I would want to empower myself with choices in terms of containers, types of services, burial information, choices on how to make the service reflect the deceased passion and life.

Funeral Chaser

2008-11-11T09:13:00.001-05:00

I was driving in town this morning and I had to make a quick turn! Thanks goodness for the iphone! I am always camera ready!

I was shocked to see not one, not two, not three, but four limousines outside of the funeral service. I thought it was unusual that the drivers were all inside the church.

Wow, think about the funeral package this family chose. I wonder how many family members were in the initial arrangement meeting! Someone was wanting to make sure this whole family was treated equally and was looking out for their comfort.

Doesn't look like anyone here was scaling back due to the poor economy!

Viewing The Map Differently

2008-11-10T07:30:00.003-05:00

Lately, it just seems that when I look at my Google Analytics account, I am viewing the United States map a bit differently. How could I not, watching and reading the political campaign for almost a year and a half.

I think I have become a bit more aggressive in how many times a day I check my report. I keep hoping that I will see more states colored in green. I am stunned when I see green marked in different continents. I am looking at the numbers longer and harder...

How can I win my own race? Since we now know anything is possible.....I now keep asking myself how can I improve on everything? My websites, my products, my blog.... I don't have a staff of advisers I can rely on or fire. I do have a few volunteers who believe in my work and help in anyway they can.

I can't afford major TV network ads, but I can afford to show off my product on YOU TUBE! I can't ask for a bailout! I think this election has pushed me to reach higher, faster and more efficiently in all aspects of my work.

I find myself pushing my daughter in her academics. No more A & B's...All A's. She has proven she can do it. She has to prepare for her homework, test and quiz's like it is her final exam. Just like on the eve of the primaries. These candidates are out pushing for the very last vote.

Everyday I need to work like I am on a campaign trail. Why not? I am just not working to get by, I want to make a big impact. I want change that I can believe in! Now. I am not waiting. Waiting for what? I will never get a pink slip, so I am in this for the long run! Welcome to owning my own business! Your work is never done.

VOTE

2008-11-04T04:39:00.000-05:00

Just An Idea For Election Day

2008-11-03T09:31:00.004-05:00

Got Gas?

This may seem like an odd idea, but at least I have put it out there. If you are not holding a funeral tomorrow, offer free rides in your community to the voting poles. It is free advertising and a great way to interact with future families. You could hear some information that might be valuable to you and your business. You might hear someone slip up and tell you what funeral home their friend went to...You might want to call a retirement home, or an assisted living facility. These random acts of kindness bless others and could bless you.

NFDA New Exhibitors Pavilion

2008-10-31T08:33:00.002-04:00

I thought I should throw in my two cents regarding the New Exhibitors Pavilion at the Orlando Convention. Seems like Tim Totten from Final Embrace has a lot to say about the convention, so I will follow suit!

A few of my favorite things~

Knowing that the guys in the next booth were newbies like me. We both had spent time developing our products and had invested our money in something we believe in! We were not hired to babysit our booth, rather work hard at making new contacts and beginning new relationships. We learned the ropes together!

I thought it was great to be able to extend invitations to Funeral Directors to attend the convention expo floor free of charge. I had a few Funeral Directors attend and I know they enjoyed their time!

A few things that need NFDA needs to rethink~

The best booth contest was a disaster. No one got the whole concept and signage was confusing. They forgot to put add my booth # for the contest. The ballot box was too large, and cumbersome. People thought it was a garbage can. They used this booth contest as a way to raise money for a charity. They wanted attendees to throw in their spare change. The box that received the most change won! Not so sure you want to invite attendees and then ask them for more money. After all we are in Orlando!! Any spare change is going towards Mickey's bank account.

NFDA should consider leaving the 2010 registration open after 3:00 p.m. I had to leave my booth for about 25 minutes to sign paperwork and pick out a booth for the 2009 Convention in Boston. I had to do this during the convention. It was really unfair, as I was the only person staffing my booth. I don't feel like we should be doing paperwork during convention show hours.

I was told that the National Museum of Funeral History was going to be spectacular. What a surprise. There booth was nothing more than junkie merchandise. They maybe set-up a few artifacts to display, but most of the items were t-shirts and baseball caps. Attendees were surprised that they advertised this booth as a museum. I thought it brought down the quality of the new exhibitors area.

Lost & Found

2008-10-29T22:16:00.003-04:00

They found Julian,

they need to find Casey's remains.

Julian's mother is dealing in real time

Cindy Anthony is dealing in her own time.

They have the Hudson's killer

They have Caylee's killer.

Money can buy Obama's win

Money can 't make these killers confess.

These two stories are eating away at me.

This is beyond comprehension.

Got Families?

2008-10-29T07:23:00.001-04:00

Got Families?

Got Options?

More than just embalming to offer?

More than just cremation to offer?

More than one casket to offer?

More than one gown to offer?

More than one type of undergarment to offer?

More than one vehicle to offer?

More than one type of payment option?

More than one type of funeral stationary to offer?

If the last question was answered with a no, then you are just a click away from providing your families with another option. Final Reflection has just unveiled a new line of watercolor images. These watercolor images can be used on memorial folders, prayer cards, thank you cards and register books.

No additional selling needed, these images will speak to the families once they set their eyes on these beautiful works of art. Give your families more concrete themes to celebrate and remember their loved one's passion. The watercolor images were all created with grieving families in mind.

One click away from offering one more option to your families

www.finalreflection.com

Watercolor Image ~ A Certain Hour

2008-10-28T07:55:00.003-04:00

This image represents a certain time during a families grief. If a family decides to have a visitation, funeral or memorial service, this image could reflect the time when family and friends prepare to say goodbye. The hour of soft voices as friends and family congregate for the first time since the death of their loved one.

A time for signing in the register book. We now sell register books. The books come covered in linen and silk. The books have a place for friends and family to sign, and also to journal thoughts or notes to the deceased immediate family. This register book will become a keepsake, a beautiful gift for the family. A book that will be kept out on the living coffee table, not thrown into a closet.

Imagine after a week of the service, maybe a widow is experiencing tremendous grief. Maybe she has not had a chance to read what her family and friends wrote in the register book. This might be a time when she reaches for this book and is comforted by the kind words that were written.

The colors in this candle image are bold, yet somber and include a candle that will burn forever with their loved one's memory.

Visit Our Website To Purchase

~Prayer Cards, Memorial Folders, Register Books, and Acknowledgement Cards ~

www.FinalReflection.com

866.254.6691

Can't Believe It

2008-10-27T14:01:00.005-04:00

"Let my baby go." This was the plea from Julian King's mother last night. This morning, it seems as though Julian passed on sometime last Friday.

After watching the news conference from the Hudson's church yesterday, it does confirm to me they have their faith in tact and that this grief stricken family will rest upon it's church family to get through this situation. Amen.

Very Tough Situation

2008-10-26T18:20:00.000-04:00

Now What? Where does Jennifer go from here? This is a horrific situation. The police still can't find her 7 year- old nephew, her brother in-law sits in jail and her mother and brother are gone.

Did she have any idea that there was a family feud going on? Would handing money to her family have postponed this killing or obliterated the killings completely?

My heart goes out to Jennifer as she survives this tragedy. I am hopeful she has some sort of religious faith to turn too. Money or luck will not help this situation.

Friends and family are important to have as support. It is moments when your lying in bed, in the shower, using the restroom and at night when you are all alone with your thoughts that the grief fills you up beyond belief. Yes people can be in the room, right next to you, but you can still feel very lonely and desperate.

In addition to Jennifer's grief, you wonder how she is dealing with her missing nephew. I imagine she is in such shock, but also a panic..I guess you almost feel like you are being suffocated. Or maybe every minute that ticks, you know that it is that much harder for the child (if still alive), and the relatives. I would be frantic, screaming, not bathing or eating if it were my child.

This just puts the Casey Anthony case in a clearer light. She kept shopping, drinking, primping herself for the nightlife after she killed her little girl. Anyway that is another story...

8 Years And Who's Counting?

2008-10-22T07:23:00.000-04:00

I am. I will count every year. No matter what is happening in my life, this day will always be the most difficult day of the year. Does it get easier as the years pass? Well that is hard to answer. You have more strength to think about the set of circumstances. You can take more time to think about it without crying as hard.

October 22 will always hit me hard if I want it to or not. I have a child...You can't help but reflect on what life would have been. It is what it is today. That is all I know for sure.

Do I remind my daughter of this date? I have too, as it marks the changing of our new life. Do I email my friends and thank them again for getting me through the last eight October 22nds, absolutely.

Do I receive texts and emails from my other widow friends on October 22? Always. It is a bond that only another widow with children completely gets. The dates we all remember. Another year under my belt. If I could only stop the clock, even for a minute....but I know I can't. Texting to heaven? Cab ride to heaven? Direct flight to heaven? Special postage rates to heaven? Any bridge to heaven? Any earmarks for building that bridge to heaven?

NFDA Booth Images

2008-10-20T21:04:00.007-04:00

Thought you might want to see what my booth looked like. I did not use any of GES services. I brought my own carpeting, padding, drape, and labor to install and strike my booth. I did not rent their table, request power, or a wastebasket. Man they will gauge you for every single item.

I know the ropes at the convention center pretty well. I have worked for many clients that have booths at these conventions. Usually I am the one who "themes" the booth.

Next year in Boston I am going to use very large photographs to display our watercolor collection. I think it was difficult for the attendees to quickly figure out what I was pedaling.

I think I may even push the tables with the images towards the front of the booth, so people don't have to walk in. Some may say that is wrong that you are putting up a barrier, but I think I need to give it a try. This way with a quick glance, attendees can get a clear shot of any image. Less inviting I have to do, and more immediate conversation regarding my product.

Grooming Children At NFDA

2008-10-20T09:30:00.000-04:00

I understand why many families decided to make this convention a family holiday as well. Hello...Orlando!

I was amazed to see so many children at the convention. Sure I know every child had Disney on their mind. Many of them were probably counting down the hours until they would finally arrive at the gates leading to "where dreams come true."

As the children and their parents strolled through the aisles of the convention floor, I could not help but think that there was an unspoken assumption that these children were being groomed to work in the funeral industry. These children will some day become part of their parent's funeral home. Maybe some will buy the business from their parents, but the home will always stay in the family.

It was interesting to hear how many years the families had been in the business. First time in a long time I heard someone say, "third, or fourth generation" in referring to working in a family business. This is why I love this industry. People are connected to their families. They are hard workers, they have an image to proudly keep up, they are good folk and there businesses are built in America!

It was second nature for these children to roam around dozens of caskets, embalming supplies and granny dresses. Most children would run, or freeze if they walked into this convention. This convention could be "Mickey's -Very- Scary Halloween Parade" for many children. For those of you who don't know, Disney has a "Mickey's Not- So-Scary Halloween Parade" during the month of October for their guests.

Kudos to all the parents! Your children were so well behaved. I had many children visit me in my booth, and they all seemed anxious to tell me they were going to work in their families funeral business. The children listened quietly to my product pitch and even showed interest in watercolor collection that was on display. These kids know how to act. They were polite, quiet, and knew the drill. They all deserved a trip to Disney!

Something to be said about the children I saw. I was impressed. Very impressed. Rest assure there is going to be a fine generation of Funeral Directors in the future. Don't worry we will all be in good hands.

FINAL REFLECTION

2008-10-17T14:44:00.007-04:00

Thank you to the NFDA for providing an outstanding convention to launch our new watercolor collection of memorial products. This was my first year attending the convention and I had a fantastic experience.

Tim Totten of Final Embrace was my consultant as I navigated my way through the four days in Orlando. Tim certainly has his finger right on the pulse of this industry and he has the best quilted cot covers in the industry. He has a hell of a lot of sales to prove it. I spoke to several Funeral Directors regarding Tim's covers and they all had the same message, a good product that families take note of.

The initial 12 watercolor images that I launched at the convention are a good product. Unique, absolutely. These images will add value to any funeral home and the images will speak to the families. This is not a hard sell for the Funeral Directors. This is not going to be yet another product you will have to sell your families.

I had hundreds of people come to my booth. The response was overwhelmingly positive and the attendees thought the images were refreshing and that families would be drawn to these images verse the open wheat fields and the garden paths to nowhere.

Many of the images are not gender specific, i.e. the golf and travel images. I want these images to accurately describe the deceased passion. I want the register books to become a keepsake for the family, rather than a three ring binder that is thrown into the closet. Weeks after the service, I want the family to read the register books that now include blank pages for friends and family to journal in. What a huge gift to the family for decades to come. The register books come in linen and silk. Any image can be mounted the front of the register book.

Each month additional images will be added to our new websitewww.FinalReflection.com

NFDA Booth Number 2171

2008-09-02T18:58:00.006-04:00

Countdown.....It is finally here.

All the last minute decisions are being thought out.

What have I gotten myself into?

Will these attendees just walk by 2171?

They can't, I have worked too hard.

Will the right words come out of my mouth?

Do I have to sell me before I sell my product?

My booth will be different from the general folk.

It has to be or I would not be me.

I can't wear sneakers with nylons

hell I can't wear nylons, I am a Florida girl.

I am exhausted just thinking about these 3 days

But the excitement I hold in my heart will far exceed my exhaustion.

Will this be my ticket to paradise?

For the money I have spent, it better be.

Not Sure About This

2008-09-02T11:13:00.007-04:00

Maybe times are so tough, this Funeral Director wanted to save some money on where he held his wedding......I just don't think I would call this being creative or an "out of the box" idea!

TEXTING

2008-08-29T18:47:00.006-04:00

I love to text. I don't do it all day, but I do find it helpful in my personal life. I don't text my client's, but I do text the vendors that work for me. Texting is personal. My client's will not receive a text from me.

I don't allow my daughter to text, she is only 11. All of her friend's text, but I don't think a young tween needs to be texting. Girls talk too much anyway. They should just pick up the phone.

Boys are different. If I had a son, I would allow him to text. Boys have a hard time communicating. Texting facilitates communication, and I think that boys find it easier to text than to speak!!! Heck men avoid confrontation especially with woman. I have heard stories of boys and men breaking up with their girlfriend by texting them. I can't say that I support that, but I do support assisting boys in sharing their feelings.

I have a friend who's 10th grader had a text conversation with her in their house, they were just in different rooms. Maybe the teenager would not have opened up as much if he were talking to his mother face to face. Yesterday he texted, " I love you" to his mother from his high school. I am not sure he would have phoned her to say that. So there are definite advantages to texting.

Just as Obama got the word out to his supporters regarding his VP pick, funeral directors could get the word out regarding wakes, visitation, funerals, memorials to family and friends of the deceased family. Obviously phone numbers would need to be provided to the funeral director. In the past, I have received text from distance relatives of my friends regarding funeral information , because my friends were are so grief stricken they don't want to talk or text anyone.

Also I would never hesitate to text a grieving friend or family member. They need a text to take their mind off their pain, or to feel like they are not alone. A text can send out a message that provides instant comfort.

Don't get offended if the grieving person does not text you back. I would say that the text should serve as a message, not the start of a dialogue.

TEXT AWAY!!

Mariah & Linda

2008-04-15T17:31:00.005-04:00

Hear me out. We all may have heard of the singer Mariah Carey. Today she came out with her new album E=MC2. Yesterday she sang a song from her new album on Oprah. The name of the song is "Bye Bye". I think this song would be an option for the younger generation to have playing at a visitation or service. She encompasses everyone from sister to grandmother....I would go to itunes and give it a try.

Another song I recently heard was "Goodbye My Friend", by Linda Ronstadt.

Waiting, Grieving & Sighing

2008-04-15T16:54:00.008-04:00

Every Funeral director does it. You have too! You leave the family in the arrangement room to check on availability for the service, visitation, and so on. I know you intend to be only a few minutes, but sometimes you take forever. I have been left in those rooms when you leave, and it is a difficult time for the families. They sigh, they cry, they look around the room, they get on their cell phones...nervous energy as I would call it.

You may want to think about this idea. Have a cd player or ipod dock on the table. Give the family the list of music options they have for the service. You might want to have some samples of the most requested songs. You might want to have samples of a local soloist. You may want to include samples of a local bagpiper. Have the price listed on the sheet for these extra items. One less number you have to speak.

Make sure you have earphones plugged into the dock. The big padded ones. Don't make anyone try to stick something in their ear when they are under stress. This will certainly give the choice for either one person to listen, or all the people in the room. It will give them something to do as they sit at the table waiting for you. It is a decision that will you won't have to wait for when you present them with the list.

It gives the family time to think about their service. It allows for more personalization.

If your family bites at the soloist or bagpiper, you may just add a bit more profit to your day.

Ur on my mind

2008-04-13T17:55:00.008-04:00

I feel terrible for leaving you like this. My intentions have always been good, but I have been through some very busy months with my event work. There are times when I vacillate if I should blog and or go to the gym. The gym takes precedent. I have to stay healthy and have the energy to live life.

I was recently out in Los Angeles, and I dragged my friend and daughter to Forest Lawn Memorial Park. It was interesting listening to my friend talk as we drove through the park, as my daughter is hanging out the car window taking photos of different flowers and headstones for me. I did not have to tell her what to take photos of, she just knew without my saying..My friend needs to forward me the photos, as they are on her camera. I forgot my camera at the hotel that day. I will post her photos as soon as they arrive.

I made another visit to Ronald Reagan's Presidential Library in Simi Valley. I have not been there since he passed on. Standing atop the mountain and looking out was extremely emotional. To think that this man wanted to be right where I was standing....I got it...Such beauty and tranquility....I met Ronald Reagan many years ago. His signed photographs still hang proud in my family room. I watched every moment of his funeral. It was so important to me to visit his final resting place.

Anna Nicole Smith - February 08th

2008-02-09T13:10:00.000-05:00

Although I am sure we all have our own opinions about the late Anna Nicole Smith, someone had it right when planning this funeral.

This church was decorated so tastefully with flowers. Nothing tacky about this. It is hard to believe that it was a year ago that this funeral took place. All the fighting that went on in court on where she was going to be laid to rest.

I still maintain that they will eventually move her and her son to California.

Who is going to plan Britney Spear's Funeral?

2008-01-15T16:14:00.001-05:00

I don't wish death on anyone, but this troubled Brit Brit could be on her way with her self destructive ways and the paps swarming her.

As an event planner, I have some thoughts on how to commemorate her and what takeaways I would have for the guests.

I am pretty sure that her final resting place will be in Louisiana where here family is from and where her relatives are buried.

This funeral would reflect on her star qualities when she was so young and her quest for stardom. Focusing on her relationship with her family when she was much younger and her zest for life. I am sure whoever was leading the service would reflect upon her toughest times and how her fame slowly destroyed her. Maybe mentioning that Britney lost her soul and her ability to cope, and how her family tried so hard to reach out and help her. The priest would include her love for her children. I believe she does love her two boys, she just has not a clue on how to parent. I would invite some of her classmates to tell stories about Britney in her school days. Obviously her sister, Jayme would speak at the service.

The funeral would be followed by a glitzy celebration. I would for certain hire Starbucks to set up shop and serve her favorite drink to all the guests. I would play all of her old songs, and have more pictures of her when she was young and a new mother and few photos of her last days. I would include a dance floor, as I know how much Britney loves to dance and it would make her younger friends feel comfortable. They would cry and dance to her all time single hit, "hit me baby one more time".

I would have several food presentation stations. I would fly in her favorite chef's from her Los Angeles hangouts and have them prepare yummy cuisine. The guest could feast on her favorite food from Mexican to Sushi cuisine.

I would hand out gift baskets to all of the guest as they left. The basket might include a photo of Britney and her boys, some cool products from her favorite pharmacy (Rite-Aid), and maybe some personalized lighters, as I am sure most of her friends lite up, and maybe a southern recipe that her mother or grandmother use to make for Britney when she was a child. I would also include Lynn Spears book that would be out on shelves by the time this celebration takes place.

The burial would be private for the immediate family. I think the family is owed some privacy as they lay this troubled girl to rest. This scenario could happen. I hope like heck not, but these boys are in for a tough road if their mother continues on this path.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-21T20:40:00.000-05:00

Hats off to all the folks who are working through the holiday. I know these next few days will be even more trying for you and your families. Having to go into arrangement mode on either end is dreadful.

But you guys are the pro's! You know how to take a family that is in a state of crisis and bring a sense of calmness to the situation.

I respect your calling in life. Someone has to do this type of work, and you have chosen to help people through the toughest hours.

I commend you, and I pray that you all stay safe and that the phones are silent this Christmas.

A Few Of My Favorite Things

2007-12-19T21:24:00.000-05:00

I don't care for Starbucks anymore. I don't want a whole pot of anything in the morning, and I don't care to clean up the the coffee grinds on the counter...This compact Nespresso machine has been on my list for several years. They aren't cheap, but they will last many many years. Just think of the time and gas I would save if I had this machine right in my kitchen. No more guess work when trying to figure out how many beans you should grind. Just throw in a coffee pod and your guess work is over. How great would it be to serve a cup of anything out of this machine and have your guests say this is the best cup of coffee, I have ever had. Well I did just that at a client's home. I want this badly. I just need to order it and start spoiling myself. I am tired of handing out $4.00 every time I walk into Starbucks.

My list is not long, but I would really like to get these purchases over and done with. I am a Mac fanatic. I love my Macbook Pro, but that is used for traveling. My desktop G5 is grunting that it would like a new home....you know maybe in the family room! All of a sudden the 17" screen is looking too small. It could not be that my vision is failing... You know I could come up with many reasons why I need a new Mac. I am making room for the new addition....I don't need to justify this purchase to anyone. It is tax deductible too! Case closed.

Can't Shop, Stuck In The Snow

2007-12-19T20:59:00.000-05:00

I do realize that much of the snow and ice have left many last minute shoppers with no place to go. Trying to figure out what to get your aunt, uncle or boss? You may want to try browsing through Gifts.com. This site gives you many ideas for the person who has everything.

If you don't feel like shopping for gifts, then maybe you can order some fabulous holiday treats on -line at Big Sugar Bakeshop. These two ladies are

hitting it big with their quaint shop in Studio City.

Countdown

2007-12-17T21:09:00.000-05:00

Quite frankly, I am not buying into the holiday rush. People were getting way too nervous at the mall today. The pace is quick and the transactions at the register were fast and furious. Cars are coming to a rolling stop, not a complete stop.

But maybe sitting in your home, things are quiet...really quiet. Maybe the phones are quiet. Does anyone really want to think about buying a casket a week before Christmas, I doubt it.

But I am sure all the folks who have walked through your door this past year, are coming upon the toughest weeks ahead. They are facing their first holiday without their loved one. I urge you in the stillness of your office to pick up the phone and start calling all your families that you have served this year.

Your call is a reminder to the caller on the other end of the line, that you care. I am sure they will tell their friends and family that you called. Why, because they don't expect another call from you. In their mind funeral homes equal finality and the funeral is over. I know if you start calling, you will impact anyone that answers their phone.

Keep your focus this week. The build up is too much for the 25th. Give gifts out of love, not pressure. Say no to whatever is too much for you this next week. But most of all don't get caught up in the time. In death there is no time. No time, no rush, no hurry in the lives that are left behind.

Staff Office Party

2007-12-12T11:41:00.000-05:00

I know there are a lot of staff parties that take place during the day. Memo's go out to all the staff to bring a dish for the "holiday luncheon".

Some folks actually cook a turkey and some folks pick up a bag of chips on the way to work. Paper plates and plastic forks can usually be found in the storage closet or by the staff coffee machine!

I want to suggest to all the Funeral Home directors, to consider doing things a bit differently this year.

~Here is a list of suggestions ~

~If everyone is feeling the pressure of the holiday, have your luncheon after the 25th.

~Consider having your luncheon the week before New Years.

~Consider having your luncheon after New Years.

~If you have only a few employees consider taking them out for lunch.

~Spend a few dollars and give every employee a small gift, a token of appreciation for their hard work.

~Be sensitive to other employees who do not want to eat homemade food brought in by other staff members.

~Consider having your luncheon catered.

~ Go to Panera Bread Company or your local deli to have yummy soup, salad and sandwiches prepared.

~ If you are going to eat in your home, consider renting a few table linens so the luncheon feels more like a party.

~Show you care! Show you care about the quality of food, the presentation of the food, and the decor of the room.

~Make sure not to forget desert. Order a cake, or bring in fresh cookies from a bakery.

Everyone needs to put thought into how to thank their employees. Your reward is hard working employees who care about their job! Employees never miss a trick. If you care, they will care!

I Thought So

2007-12-05T07:31:00.000-05:00

Last Friday, I posted that I thought Evel would have a rather "grand" send off !!

I was anticipating a real celebration of life for Evel Knievel and so it is!!! click here to read what they have in store. The article does mention that Evel had given specific instructions for his celebration! Way to go Evel..."thinking outside of the box". RIP

Obituaries

2007-12-04T20:37:00.000-05:00

I recently planned a memorial and the first item at hand was the obit. This was a direct cremation, and the family asked me to edit and place the obit in the local newspaper.

I have a feeling the family told the local funeral home, "direct cremation and we will take care of the rest." There next call was to Final Reflections to plan the memorial.

The newspaper needs to verify the funeral home in charge of the body. I asked the family the name of the funeral home and I promise you they could not remember the name. I could not believe it!!! They had to look up the name in their check book to see who they wrote the check to! This doesn't say much about the funeral home. Did they reach out to this family??

Are families so stressed that they can't remember the name of the home? Did the director slip a business card to the family members and remind them to call if they needed anything?? I kind of doubt it~

So is this a case of offering little customer service, or is this a case where the director doesn't offer more any additional services because the director has heard the two most common words today "direct cremation." ~

Bad Decor 101

2007-12-04T20:13:00.000-05:00

Never try to decorate a room with strands of anything. It will not work unless you cover a complete ceiling, then maybe...

If you only have a few decorations, I would make table arrangements. This room is in a funeral home, but only for the staff to see.

I feel strongly that any staff room or whatever room is in your home...including the flower and delivery room, should be treated just like any public room in your funeral home.

Is your staff only deserving of the left over decor? What if by chance a client does walk through the staff area...it should all look the same and not have levels of decor. Your staff deserve to look at beautiful holiday decor, after all holidays do not discriminate and neither should your decor.

I continue to say if you have little decor, then group it all together in one area to make a statement. Things spread sparsely through a funeral home looks terrible.

If you don't have any decor that is nice enough, then go buy some red Poinsettia's and place them around your home in clusters, not one here and one there. Remember 3 of anything looks good together. It shows off better, it can be a focal point.

Turn On The Lights

2007-12-03T18:05:00.000-05:00

As we dive into the 2007 holiday season, I encourage funeral directors to think outside your funeral home.

If you do not get a lot of clients during the holidays, why not put your money and decor outside your home where folks and visitors can see. You never know if a woman driving by is contemplating a funeral home she might have to call in a few months for her ailing mother. Your home may just stick out.

A few months later the woman may have a conversation like this to her brother or husband ~

"What was the name of that funeral home that we saw in Exeter?" "Close to the restaurant, the home that had all the pretty Christmas lights."

Got Mantle?

2007-12-03T09:25:00.000-05:00

I have been in many funeral homes over the holidays through the years. Some of the "holiday decor" is dreadful....

Less is more. If you do not have a lot of decor items, it is fine. Just stick to one part of your home to arrange the decor you have.

Here is a mantle I decorated for a photo shoot. I was conveying ideas to an event planning group that a mantle can be used to display other holiday decor besides, shall we say "fake garland."

If your home has a mantle, here is a good example on how to brighten up your fireplace. I cringe at homes that display an old Menorah in the corner of the lobby, as to say "we have not forgotten about you and Hanukkah." Tapered candles, a Menorah, and silver Christmas ball give a powerful and striking arrangement.

Fire places in Florida are empty. We can not have a roaring fire in 80 degree heat....

Please Excuse My Absence

2007-11-30T20:06:00.000-05:00

I can multi task. I can do it rather well. But I have been wondering why I haven't been blogging.

My real job is an event and funeral planner. I have been doing both, and along with the holidays, I have not had nor made time to sit quietly and blog.

When I first started this blog, Funeral guru Tim Totten of Final Embrace, made it clear to me that I had to honestly figure out how much time I was going to put aside each week to this blog. Sometimes my visions are grander than what I can actually accomplish. This blog has taught me a lot about myself in the last several months in what activities I am dedicated to!

Dedicated to reading other funeral blogs, especially....

Final Embrace

Life In The Garden

In Repose (sorry to see Candace taking a break)

Funeral Words

Dedicated to seeing that my child has her school work done and that she reads for twenty minutes every school night

Dedicated to watching Larry King Live and Oprah (if the guests are good)

Dedicated to seeing that my clients receive proposals on time

Dedicated to going to the gym.....not in the last two weeks

You would think that since I am an event planner, my house would be decorated for the holidays. Not so, I have no desire to spend time decorating my home. Hauling all the boxes an from the garage is not my favorite thing to do. I much rather decorate for a client. I seem to have endless ideas for clients and have the "can do" approach with them, but in my house, it just isn't happening.

RIP ~ Evel Knievel

2007-11-30T19:54:00.001-05:00

I am not a huge Evel Knievel fan, but I guarantee you his funeral will not be in a few days. His life will be celebrated.....I am pretty sure.

Look at the Donda West, people planned for her funeral. Time was taken to make the service meaningful.

There is no rush, just make sure you have sold your families on a well rounded service.

As complicated as you make it.......

2007-11-18T17:25:00.000-05:00

A reader posted this comment regarding my videographer entry ~

"In practice I think this idea would be problematic and costly. To pin down guests at an event like this might be difficult because of the mild chaos naturally occurring. Plus, you have the eternal problem of people being totally unwilling to put themselves in front of a video camera. If you were to prepare them in advance and find a quiet room to conduct such interviews, you might make this work. Instead of a video camera, ask if you can shoot a handful of digital stills and use those in your tribute video instead. People are far more amenable to that concept. Recording audio only is far less intimidating. Help them to understand the 'ums' and the 'uhhs' will be edited out of the audio track...this will give them a lot more relaxation about saying 'bloopers' and the interviews will go much more smoothly as a result. Especially if you're springing this whole idea on them with no notice. It's pretty hard to do more than a very few of these interviews in a given period of time unless you have several interviewers doing it simultaneously. Instead of at the funeral, perhaps use that opportunity to line up future dates with these guests. If this idea is truly that valuable, this extra effort will be a reasonable hoop to jump through."

I do enjoy readers comments, and it sure makes for easy entries when you do not have a lot of time for blogging, especially these days. I am traveling at the moment, and parties are beckoning me. So my time to devote to my favorite passion, planning funerals is on the back burner....As you know my primary business is event planning, and coming into the holiday season, things are in full swing.

I have used a vidoegrpaher on many occasions before, during and after a service. In my expereince thus far, I have found taping not to be costly and not problematic. You would be suprised how many guests and extended families are willing to do anything for the immediate family, It is the experience and sensitivity of the videogrpaher that sets the tone and level of comfort with the guests. The guests comments can range from 30 seconds to a few minutes. These are not interviews, just quick thoughts. The whole point of videotaping during the event, is to capture the moment, the event, the feelings and all the guests that have gathered at the same place and same time.

I dont think funerals are chaotic, most people are soft spoken, most funeral directors have set the presence of calmness and control over the event that is about to take place. I don't find funeral chaotic...rather a focused purpose.

I don't think there would be a chance of getting a line up of guests at a later time. That would be very costly to hire a videographer to drive from one place to another, set up the camera, and conduct an interview. I have been hired in the past to interview people that have only a few weeks and months to live. This was a prepared interview, which I prepared the questions for the person. The person is usually to weak and emotional to come up with a list of questions....and those interviews can go all over in many different directions, depending upon what the individual wants to convey to their family. Don't think "problematic",think in terms of the big picture. Don't put the camera down.....

Buzzz In The Industry

2007-11-08T17:54:00.000-05:00

Certainly everyone is taking time to put in their two cents about the PBS special. I respect every one having their own view regarding the program. I agree to disagree with many opinions that have surfaced on how Mr. Lynch delivered his "funeral operations" to the audience.

Don Shell who is a staff writer for Life Story Network and I have the same opinion regarding Mr. Lynch. You can read Don's response to The Undertaker at Tim Totten's blog.

In terms of personalization, I have seen tacky items as hood ornaments on caskets, and I have seen awful cheesy decor displays for a themed funeral. But then I know that many memorials have been outstanding and over the top in quality and presentation. So no doubt in my mind, Mr. Lynch could provide some stellar gatherings.

Let's just say the people in Mr. Lynch's market will never be allowed to think outside of the box. The folks in his town will only know of one way to have a funeral or such and that is Mr. Lynch's way. No big deal...

Fortunately his ways will not effect the rest of the funeral industry. In the meantime, I am planning a memorial for Saturday and yes there is a theme/passion (tennis) and it will be tastefully executed.

Here again if the funeral home had offered my client different options including a gathering, the funeral home could have generated more income and my phone would not have rung ...but it did....Another direct cremation folks. Don't let those families slip through the cracks.

Time To Put Away The Halloween Decor

2007-11-02T14:09:00.000-04:00

Folks, don't let the weekend pass by without taking down the Halloween decor. There is nothing worse than having a holiday pass and having people procrastinate taking their decor down.

Also don't leave the extra Halloween candy out for your families. Let the staff nibble over the extra candy in the back office.

When it's over, it's over.

Dia de los Meutros

2007-11-01T11:14:00.000-04:00

Celebration of the dead....for us.

The Mexicans do it right. They visit the deceased grave, decorate the grave, picnic by the grave...

To read more about the traditions click here..

They mourn in a healthy way, they are active, not passive. They commemorate every year their loved ones that have deceased.

Caught The Flu

2007-10-30T19:25:00.000-04:00

Can hardly get this post out fast enough. I have been in bed for several days battling the flu, trying to run my business from my bed...

How would you like to come up with an Indian Cuisine menu for a party in a few weeks? Find rides to and from school for my daughter. Manage to drive to Walgreens to pick up meds....

Has not been all that fun. Will recover and be back in the saddle shortly....

California On My Mind

2007-10-24T17:51:00.000-04:00

There is no better time for Funeral Homes to open their doors to the communities in California. Crisis, chaos, confusion, and concern is what people are dealing with.

This is a perfect opportunity to reach out, donate, create a make shift station, open your chapel for silent prayer or to hold a news conference.

Open your home to fellow citizens..what a great way to receive free press. Kudos to any funeral home willing to serve their community in time of disaster.

As a native Californian, my heat goes out to all the people that live in such a beautiful place.

R.I.P. My love

2007-10-22T08:42:00.000-04:00

Today marks the 7th anniversary of my husband's passing. Death just sounds too harsh, so passing on works for me. My husband was 37 when he died. Who knew that I would be blogging about events and funerals seven years later.

Who knew I would still be single. I have kissed many toads since my husband's death, but nothing close to my prince...I am not bitter just holding out for that perfect fit to my puzzle.

My daughter is now 10. A few months ago, she wrote a message on our chalk board in the kitchen telling me she never wanted me to die. I have assured her, I am in this for the long haul. My daughter is not afraid to speak of death, or listen to me ramble about celebrating one's life.

Some of my closest girlfriends are widows. There is this unspeakable bond between us. We all have children. We all wonder why us? How did we all find each other? We can't stand to hear married woman groan about their husband's. We all have accepted our new lives. We do a lot of laughing and sometimes we cry. Holiday's are the toughest. Father's Day is the absolute worse....we all our happy that Father's Day is during the summer, so our children do not have to bear hearing the teacher say, "children today we are going to make Father's Day cards."

There are still painstaking moments when I would give anything to have Joe back. Even if for a day to see his little girl and how she has grown. I would just give anything to have a conversation with my husband. Anything.

I have grieved, but on and before October 22nd I still cry and get filled with emotion. Heavy thoughts disrupt my day, my evening, my ability to focus. My mind races.... What if, how come, if only, not fair, why..... and many questions from my ten year old that I still have no answers for...

Filled with gratitude even on this most difficult day.

"We Will Just Go To My Mom's House After The Funeral"

2007-10-17T20:50:00.001-04:00

~Part One ~

You probably have heard family members making this comment again and again as to where they will hold their "post-funeral gathering." Directors, you may want to have your families re-think the idea of "going to Mom's house." Is mom ready for a boat load of guest in two days?...not so much.....

We certainly put thought and time into planning a wedding and having a baby, so let's carry this thought process over to the funeral department. Please don't tell me time is a factor. The deceased is not ever going to return. Let's think about some ways to approach families so they consider having a post -funeral gathering at your funeral home.

Convenience ~ "You may want to consider having a gathering at our home, simply as a matter of convenience for your guest and the immediate family."

Cleaning House ~ "The immediate survivor usually feels extremely overwhelmed and exhausted on the day of the service." " Your mom may not want to have a house full of people." "She may be able to grieve more easily if we take care of all the planning and orchestrating of the food."

Privacy ~ " I see more and more families wanting to have a gathering at our home, as they do not want to feel pressured to put away personal belongings of their loved one." " Some families want to leave the house exactly the way it was when there loved one was last in the home."

Specific Food ~ " You may have a specific food in mind or a favorite food that you would like to serve, and we can arrange for any of your requests." "If you have a special ethnic food in mind, we work with several ethnic restaurants and caterers in the area." "We once had a man say if we could get him curried goat, he would have a gathering at our home." "We made that happen with no problem."

Food ~ " I know that when our families leave our funeral home, they always leave with extra food from the gathering." "I have seen families bid farewell to out-of - town guest and hand them left- overs for the trip home." People find value in the gatherings when they know there will be left over food. "Many of our families do not want to be burdened with buying drinks, putting away the food, and cleaning up their homes once the guests have left."

Guests ~ " Guests often feel as though they are invading the space of the surviving family if they pay a visit to their home." "They want to support the immediate survivor, but think that it is too much to visit the home right after the funeral."

One-Stop Shopping ~ " After we have this meeting regarding the specifics of the gathering, we will not need you to do anything else." "We will take care of all the details." "We will add in the obituary that our home will be providing a post-funeral gathering, so all your guests will be aware of this service, and you won't have to contact your guests."

Simple vs Extravagant ~ " We can make this gathering as simple or extravagant as you like." "We are here to create a gathering that you see fit for your budget."

The Holiday Season is Upon Us.

2007-10-17T19:23:00.000-04:00

We have Halloween in two weeks, Thanksgiving in November and then Christmas.

Friends of the funeral industry, pick your decor carefully. I have seen many people try to decorate their funeral homes and it is not pretty.

First off, I would focus on fall, for the next month, not Halloween or Thanksgiving. I would display fresh vs artificial any day. You do not have to spend a lot of money on fresh decor.

The artificial "decor" that is stuffed in the storage closet may not look great after being stored for a year and you may forget to dust what you are bringing out.

If you have little decor to display, don't spread it thinly throughout the room, have a focal point in one area and leave it at that.

~Here is a list of fall things you can display that are not artificial ~

A wreath adorn with fruit, small gords, and greenery

A large basket with green and red apples, you can put greens on the bottom of the basket to add interest

Mini pumpkins with greenery (pine cones, twigs) and tall tapered candles on the mantle.

Have several large container of Mums -yellow, and burgundy clustered in one area

Take a vase and fill it with some green moss, then buy some pretty feathers and stick them in the moss

Take a vase and fill it with some acorns, then place a fall color candle in the vase

Fill a large pitcher with willow, and fresh flowers

Put a large candle in an old lanterns and adorn the lantern with garland

Remember to hit any Goodwill or thrift store to find those inexpensive vases, containers, and baskets.

I have a lot more to say about Holiday Decor...stay tuned...

GOT CAKE?

2007-10-15T07:31:00.000-04:00

So let's say you are not into post funeral gatherings. You could not be bothered by adding one more list of services to your GPL. You will not even begin to try to open the door of possibilities to your family.

Ok, then just suggest having a special cake made to be enjoyed by all the guests that will be traveling to attend the funeral. Let's say you have found out that this little old lady loved butterflies. Perfect, you immediately take the deceased passion and then translate that into a themed cake.

Do not assume that just because a cake has tiers that it is a wedding cake. This is not a wedding cake, it is a mad hatter butterfly cake~

Make sure you have pictures of some cakes on hand. Throw a couple pots of coffee on and bang, you have yourself a post funeral gathering.....ooops you did not want to have one. Well then refer to it as a gathering after the funeral.

Call it whatever you want.....the after party, the quiet celebration....

This takes the cake!

Don't Say Cheese

2007-10-12T22:00:00.001-04:00

Funeral Directors always set the tone in their home. If you feel comfortable, your families will follow suit.

Offer the services of a photographer to document any funeral, visitation or memorial. We photograph marriage, and births, so why avoid and forget about death. Death tends to be the biggest emotional event of our life.

When we get married or have babies we do not have a point of reference. We can reference an entire life. A funeral brings together a one time gathering of guests and relatives...never to be duplicated again. This could be the last picture of a grandmother and her grandson...Click away.

You need to find a photographer that is quiet. Not one that demands group pictures, rather one that quietly observes moments of opportunity to get candid shots. A good photographer is a silent photographer. A good photographer keeps his distance and is not obtrusive in any way. A good photographer knows how to hide in corners, crouch down low, and sneak in and out of view.

I have hired photographers to photograph funerals in the past. Yes, these are hard events to document. But the reward is great. The family will always be able to reflect upon the photographs in years to come. The pictures can be passed down through the generations.

p.s. Have some photographs of children and adults to show other families as a point of reference.

How Much Is Enough

2007-10-12T20:59:00.000-04:00

If you are going to have a gathering that includes liquor, there seems to be the same question across the board...How much and what should I buy?

Check out this handy dandy calculator. It is on the fun site that people use when having an informal gathering:evite.

You can always call in a bartender or a delivery supply services for your gathering.

I will drink to that!

Candy & Flowers

2007-10-11T19:34:00.000-04:00

Create a festive yet tasteful arrangement in your funeral home. Although your Halloween decorations are somewhat limiting, (no skulls and bones here!!) you certainly can focus on fall.

This arrangement is easy and will receive nice compliments. Just put a tall thin vase inside the large vase. Place water and flowers in the tall vase. Fill the large vase up with any Halloween candy. I just think these candy corns are colorful and will not be a mess or melt.

Seats 38, A&B

2007-10-06T17:34:00.000-04:00

Are you kidding.... I had no time to blog on the plane trip. My daughter totally controlled my laptop. This is us absolutely loosing it about 8 hours into the flight!

We were playing on the plane with "photo booth" on my laptop.

My daughter would have no part of me actually working or blogging.....and I understand she did not want me writing about funerals. I had to respect that...

Even the thought of trying to sneak in time to visit Jim Morrison's resting place or sneak into a Funeral Home was not going to happen. Traveling with a ten year old is hard work in any foreign country, but well worth the effort.

Hey I hope you all are having a great time in Vegas!

Paris Bound

2007-09-26T13:16:00.000-04:00

I am off to Paris for two weeks. My entries will be sporadic to say the least!

The flying time from Atlanta to Charles De Gaulle International airport is 8 hours and 50 minutes. The flight home is 9 hours and 50 minutes. Guess I will be getting ahead on my blog entries.

I plan to visit some funeral homes in the city and see what post funeral services they offer their family's...Should be interesting conversing with the directors considering I speak so little french!

Cleaning Check List For Your Booth

2007-09-24T21:39:00.000-04:00

Folks there is nothing worse than a dirty and messy booth.

If you have not paid the big bucks to have a cleaning crew come in at night and clean your booth, then start thinking about cleaning your booth either first thing in the morning or right at closing time.

Find a vacuum any vacuum, but this is the most important cleaning to be done in your booth.

Empty your trash can, trash spilling over does not look good.

Remove finger prints with a cleaning spray and paper towel on a display case or cube. Any surface for that matter.

If you have any furniture, plump the cushions and get rid of any crumbs on the furniture.

Replenish business cards, product literature, food , and swag.

Make sure all your pipe and drape is even.

Your NFDA Booth

2007-09-20T20:07:00.000-04:00

You have paid big bucks for your booth and now you are hoping to attract warm bodies.

Tim Totten of Final Embrace made excellent suggestions regarding the do's and don'ts of exhibitors and attendees at a convention.

I have themed many booths in my time as an event planner.

You know in the movie "The Sixth Sense", where the kids says" I see dead people?" "I see bad booths. Everywhere."

Here is my list of suggestions to get shoppers to step inside your booth and stay for more than 30 seconds:

Get rid of the 6 ft. skirted table. Unless you are going to display your product on the table, it just takes up precious space.
Figure out another way to display your SWAG.
Options include open display cases, racks, shelves, or display cubes.
Don't hide behind your table.
If you are sitting anywhere in your booth, there should be an empty seat next to you. Period. This is not a time for you and your booth partner to talk about "whatever."
With an empty seat, you can invite anyone to sit down and chat.
If you need a table, I suggest using a round table. People are more apt to casually speak around a round table.
When you place your product, make sure it is not so low, so people don't have to bend over.
Forget the bowl of hard candy as a way to stop people. Offer fresh hot popcorn, and you will have the biggest crowd in your booth.
In the photo above, you see how we used a couch and comfy arm chairs to create a place to have conversation, which enabled selling product in a relaxed atmosphere.
Bring in something that is beautiful. Plants, fresh flowers, chocolates, or gourmet cookies.
Don't give anything away unless they sign an attendee book.
Offer to keep an attendees bag if they have their hands full, they won't forget you or your booth and they will return.
Step outside of your booth and create your own "meet and greet." Make eye contact with every person that walks by and introduce yourself.
Photos of your product in use are a good conversation starter.
Big $$ spent on signage is a waste. I think you only need one sign for a booth. People will remember you, if you interact with them, not your sign.
Don't bring every single product you sell to display in your booth. This will create an excuse to get the attendees information and create additional interest and buzz about your products.
Have a giveaway ~ Have a big glass jar to collect business cards...another way to obtain information.
Don't be like your booth neighbor, think "out of the box" and mix it up.

Got Scent?

2007-09-19T16:04:00.001-04:00

Once a person enters a funeral home, I think it is fair to say that their mood and mannerisms change almost instantly.

The most noticeable change is the volume of a persons voice. A person either begins to whisper, and or lower their voice.

People also think that funeral homes smell. I am not sure that all funeral homes smell, but I am sure every home has there own unique smell. I am convinced that people automatically engage in all five senses when they enter a home. They know that dead people are in the home, so the thought of dead people make them think the home should not smell good.

Help is on the way to throw your clientele and guests off. Scentsevents is your answer to creating any scent you want in your home. I would personally gravitate towards the "flower shop" scents they offer. I don't want your consumer to think you are covering anything up...but beware, never overdue any kind of scent-based marketing - the customer backlash will outweigh any benefits!

Cha Ching, Cha Ching

2007-09-19T13:29:00.000-04:00

One can not go to Vegas without doing a little shopping. Walk away from the Casino when you are winning and take home some real loot! Even if it is something for your funeral home.

Check out this site to make sure you are headed in the right direction!

Happily Ever After

2007-09-18T14:11:00.000-04:00

Today I was reminded by Tim's blog Final Embrace, that I owe Tom Jokinen an answer to a question he had asked me.

Just in case you are wondering...Tim asked me the following question!

"Does Walt Disney World offer a place to have a funeral on property?"

I did call Disney and was transferred several times to different departments, as my question was not so ordinary. Someone in community relations did advise me that "funerals are something that we just don't do." She also told me that Disney does not allow spreading of any ashes.

Fair enough, the land of pixie dust just does not want to engage in this sort of activity. After all this is the land of make believe and a funeral is the real deal.

However, if I had it my way, Disney would allow funerals and memorial services. I think a lot of people would like to take their loved one back to the Magic Kingdom. My husband specifically asked to take our family to Disney just before his surgery....I think he knew that would be his last holiday as a family.

8 Random Things ~ A New Twist

2007-09-17T08:26:00.000-04:00

A twist on the 8 Random Things meme. Here are 8 random things I have learned in the past 30 days.

My "Videographer" post on August 07th has had the most hits.
When my event business is busy, finding time to blog is very difficult.

Many Funeral Directors do not read American Funeral Director.
2008 NFDA Convention is in Orlando, Florida...look for me, not sure of my booth number just yet!!!

There are Funeral Homes that are offering post funeral gatherings, but most are sending their guests to restaurants.

After personally meeting Fred Thompson, he looks much older than 65.

I gain more and more respect for bloggers everyday. This is not so easy!

The funeral industry is a small world.

Black Jack

2007-09-13T20:49:00.000-04:00

In order to make the trip to the black jack table worth your while, you need to brush up on your skills. Here is a link to make that happen!

Serious Golfers Only

2007-09-13T13:23:00.001-04:00

If you can name this course and hole in Las Vegas, you will win a years subscription to a golf magazine. Email me: plan@awsumevents.com with your answer. Name of winner will be published.

Holy Roller, Your Going To Vegas Baby

2007-09-12T19:57:00.000-04:00

Countdown....24 Days until Vegas!! Although you will be busy attending the NFDA, you know you will want to hit the strip for fun!

For the next several weeks I will lead you to some hot spots for dining, gambling, shopping and then some.

Lets face it, mostly men are attending this convention.. so let's cut to the chase and give you some info that you want, but probably should not google on your office computer. Just click here

Hey, all it takes is a dollar and a dream!

9/11

2007-09-11T13:32:00.000-04:00

As proud Americans, this is a good day to review our flag etiquette.

SWAG

2007-09-10T08:09:00.000-04:00

Almost every "swag" (Samples, Wearables, And Gifts) can be personalized today. Beer bottles and even wine bottles can be personalized.

If your family does not want to have a post funeral gathering, then perhaps encourage them to show their appreciation to the guests for taking time out of their day to attend the service. Encourage the family that take-aways can be given to a few selected guests.

If the deceased had a favorite bar in town, then have some special coupons made up and give them to the guests as they leave. "This one's for Ted, his favorite watering hole" Work out a deal with the bar and have the family pay for each guest to have a beer at the bar.

I know you are thinking for what...who has the time....who cares!!!! But if your home can create different options and services than your competitors down the street a few miles, than it is worth all the effort.

Where is the nearest restaurant ?

2007-09-07T08:24:00.000-04:00

Through my travels in cyber space, I came across Franklin Funeral Home. They do not offer post funeral gatherings. I would love to know why they don't offer gatherings? The photos of the interior space looks lovely and spacious.

However, I give Franklin Funeral Home big kudos for providing information on nearby restaurants on their website. This simple yet informative page must be extremely helpful to family's putting together a post funeral gathering.

If I were searching for funeral homes in or close to Franklin, Mass. on the internet, I would think that this funeral home goes the extra mile by providing such detailed information.

So if your funeral home is not going to provide post funeral gatherings, then posting nearby restaurants is the second best thing.

Daily Candy

2007-09-05T08:09:00.000-04:00

ICE ICE BABY

These Ice Tea Sippers are handmade in copper kettles. The sugary sippers come in three flavors Lemon, Orange and Key Lime. The straws are porous so they dissolve at a reasonable rate, enhancing your frosty beverage all the while. If you are needing a fun gift for that person who keeps you on task at your home, you may want to check out this sweet shop!

I am betting you'll be very happy with the result. I am a sucker for these things!!

Young Children

2007-09-05T08:00:00.000-04:00

If you have young children attending a funeral, here is a quick and simple take-away for the family. Get blank label sheet and come up with four or five messages for children to express to a deceased peer. Type each message on the label sheet. Make sure you leave space for the child to write or scribble their name. Print off the label sheet on your printer. A few message suggestions.

~ I will miss you at school ~

~ You were my best friend ~

~ We will never forget you ~

~ I wish I could hug you ~

~ Thank you for being my friend ~

Buy a large piece of oak tag (poster board) and put the deceased picture in the middle of the board. You can have washable markers for the kids to sign the label and draw pictures on the board too.

Parents can read the different messages to their child. The child can choose which message he would like to peel off and stick on the poster board. At the end of the service, give this board to the parents.

Now the grieving family will have a guest book from the adults and the children. This is simple take away and cost nothing to produce. It allows a young child to participate in the funeral service.

On-Site Reception Halls & Event Centers

2007-09-04T08:00:00.000-04:00

Many funeral homes are building event centers. Some funeral homes are purchasing adjacent property and converting buildings into event space.
Funeral home reception halls are now offer weddings, family reunions, retirement parties, community events, and of course pre- and post funeral gatherings!

This is a wonderful step in the right direction for the future of the funeral industry, but not all funeral homes have the space or funds to erect reception halls.

The good news is, funeral directors can create a fabulous gathering no matter the size or color of the walls. I have been to large venues and the event itself has been just plain bad. So the size of the room has no bearing on the ability to pull off an outstanding event.

I have put on several events in dark small spaces....and the event has been a success.

Don't think because you do not have an "event venue" that you can not host gatherings or receptions to the family's. If you have a lobby, or chapel, or visitation room in your home, you have room for a gathering.

If you have a parking lot, you have room to erect a tent. You now have the option to offer gatherings at your funeral home.

DEAL OR NO DEAL:

I will send a "themed" gift to any funeral director who emails me pictures of the interior space of their funeral home. You must feel that there is "no space" in your home to offer gatherings. Just let me have a look!! I will send you back my "top 10 ideas" for making space in your funeral home to offer gatherings.

Daily Candy

2007-09-03T08:53:00.000-04:00

Craig's List

This on-line community is free to all. If you have heard of Craig's List and are not sure what it is all about, click here for information.

You can find just about anything to pull off an event, search for that odd request from a family or find caskets for sale. You can search around the world for love, jobs, or junk!!

Craig's List will supply you with an anonymous email address. Posting an ad and adding images are a sinch!

The Casket Stands Alone

2007-08-30T09:00:00.000-04:00

Every casket should stand alone during a service. The casket appears to be grander when it stands alone. I don't feel you need to personalize the casket with different props, with the exception of the American Flag! I think a casket is a protective shell for the deceased. Nothing you add to the outside of the casket will enhance that person's life. Nothing you add to the outside of the casket will ease the pain of the family.

Flowers are lovely when they adorn the casket. Too many flowers overshadow the casket, it tends to start looking junky....Flowers don't match, there are too many different heights in the standing sprays. There are potted plants on the floor, large plants in wicker baskets that are lopsided....There are various candles, carpeted kneeling stairs, dirty white plastic columns, the list goes on. I think it lessens the value of the casket.

There are different options in how to set up and incorporate the additions floral gifts to the family. You have the whole room to spread the flowers about. I know this is not the norm. However I suggest trying this and see how it is received.

Give your families a choice. Do they want the cluttered look, or a simple focal point. Once again taking photographs is an excellent way to convey different choices to grief stricken families. Many times it is easier for the family to make decisions based on visual choices rather than keeping up with a verbal choices.

I am all about commemorating one's life, and you can do this in many ways during a service, but I would not "theme" or place "props" around a casket. A post funeral gathering, or a memorial service is the place to theme an environment to reflect upon the deceased.

It doesn't matter the cost of a casket. The beauty of any casket is in the eye of the beholder. Each person feels their own emotion when put in front of a casket. I have create a list of encounters that people could have with a casket. Caskets still freak many people out. You funeral directors have been around caskets forever. Most people are still visually and emotionally stimulated by the sight of a casket. My point being a casket should stand alone. It is still a difficult thought to imagine your loved one in a casket forever.

Identifying a loved one in a casket
Walking by a closed casket

Sitting and looking at an open casket

Sitting and looking at a closed casket

Watching people touch a body in a casket

Watching people kiss and or hug a casket

Walking up to an open casket

Watching the casket being closed

Watching people lift the casket

Watching the casket lowered into the ground

Watching a casket go into a crypt

Doom & Gloom

2007-08-28T07:33:00.000-04:00

This room is dark and gloomy. Wonder why people think that they need to paint funeral rooms so dark? Family's hearts are already heavy and dark, why add more fuel to the fire.

Do we gain anything by painting funeral rooms dark? Is there a way to make dark paint appear warmer, yes...but that is a blog series in itself.

I am not encouraging folks to paint the rooms white or pink, but something that has a little interest and that has some warmth...People want to feel comfortable during the midst of their grief, not shocked by something too extreme in color or contrast. They need to vision their loved ones body in the funeral home.

This paint is so dark it makes the room feel as though it is closing in on you. It makes the room appear smaller than it is. Add dark heavy furniture to a room that has dark paint and it can be down right depressing.

I ordered some flowers for a post-funeral gathering. The next day I had another gathering. I always try to order flowers that will last for at least two gatherings. After using the carnations on day one, I decided to cut off all the stems. I found some miscellaneous platter in a storage closet. I cleaned the platter and tightly clustered all the carnations together and set the platter on a small table. It was a small touch that provoked conversation and gave warmth to a rather cold table.

Urns ~ Place me right in the middle of the table

2007-08-27T07:46:00.000-04:00

I was recently asked by a funeral director to lend some advice in displaying urns at a memorial service. I went browsing for an urn and found this treasure at the Urn Garden.

Creating a Memorial Table ~ Leave the rectangular table in the storage closet. You can rent a round table for roughly $8.00. Give it a try and I think you might just like the look. You can also rent table linens from any rental company in your town.

~ Consider using a 60"round table. Use a 120" table linen to the floor.

~If space is an issue then use a 48" or 54 " round table. Use a 108" table linen to the floor.

~ Colors

Pull colors out of the urn when choosing a table linen. Ask the family what was the deceased favorite color. If someone chose this urn, I would not be afraid to use corals, reds, blues, or browns in picking out the table linen. The worst color you can use is white or cream! It will wash out the urn. Make the table look rich in color. For a plain urn, you could use linen that had some pattern.

~ Elevate, Elevate, Elevate

The urn is your most important object on the table and it needs to be raised. You can use items under the table linen to build a riser. If you have something attractive that will raise the urn, then place it under the urn.

~Lighting
Nothing worse than a memorial table with inadequate lighting. If you have pin spots, angle it right on the urn. If you do not have good lighting, then start asking your boss for a bar of track lighting to be installed. If your track lighting is not right in the middle of the room, then move your table to where the track lighting or pin spot lighting is...and light your urn!

~Interaction

A round table encourages people to walk around the table and interact with other guests. The table can hold more objects and create a larger focal point. You can place pictures around the table and have the ugly backs of the frames facing the urn. There is no back side of an urn, so show off the whole urn.

~Candles

Exceptions to the rule. If you have an evening memorial, then break out the candles. Use many candles around the urn. Not just a couple candles, make a big statement. Prep the family on how the table is going to look. However, if it is noon time and you are in your funeral chapel, then cluster candles around the urn. Make an impact.

~Photographs

Start photographing your memorial tables. This is a great point of reference to show the family's in the arrangement room. Start offering different levels of memorial tables. Just show them some ugly memorial tables photos , and then show them some over the top tables, and I am sure you will have an upsell!

~Flowers

Keep the flowers low on the table. Do not place a large arrangement or spray near an urn. It overshadows the urn, and the urn is the main focal point.

Remember the family is looking for your guidance. If you act confident, then the family will relax and follow in all your footsteps.

Boxes To Fill

2007-08-23T08:38:00.000-04:00

Create matching tokens for everyone after the funeral. Dress up a small gift boxes and fill them with various favors. You could fill the box with the deceased favorite candy, or a snapshot of the deceased!

For the inside of the box, have a stamp made with a message. It could even have the name and date of the deceased. If you want a stamp already made, you can find hundreds of stamps in a fabric store or stationary store. You could match the stamp with deceased passion. Make sure the stamp block fits inside the lid. Stamp the lids and fill with a token of the family's choice.

This box will be a keeper.

You could also suggest that the family give these boxes to just a few of the guests, friends that were very close to the deceased.

Home Funerals

2007-08-22T20:12:00.000-04:00

Jerri Lyons founder and director of Final Passages writes on her site

“In most states, following a death, a family member, agent holding a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care (DPAHC), or designated agent has a right to”

o Act in lieu of a funeral director and take charge of the funeral
o Make all of the decisions and orchestrate funeral arrangements
o Create a personal, unique and intimate ceremony
o Revive old customs and traditions while creating new ones
o An environmentally friendly disposition (cremation or burial)
o Carry out an ecologically conscious (green) death
o Affordable choices for after-death care and disposition

We know the percentage of home funerals in the Unites States is relatively small. However, funeral directors can provide all the bullet points that Jerri mentioned above.
Funeral directors don’t make all the decisions, but they can offer services that a family may not be aware of.

Having a funeral director orchestrate all the arrangements, takes the burden off the grieving family. Funeral directors know the ins and outs of the system.

Creating a personalize ceremony can be provided in a funeral home.
A post-funeral gathering can be an intimate place for family and friends to gather and support the grieving.

Old and new traditions can be implemented into any visitation, service or memorial. This is nonsense that home funerals are the only place for creativity.

Celebration

2007-08-21T19:59:00.000-04:00

Many families like to celebrate after a funeral. How many times have you heard people comment, "I want my family to throw me a big party once I die." "I want people to have a great time, not sit around and cry once I am dead."

We need to embrace this concept and offer these services to our family's. The bottom line is profit can be made from hosting a gathering. I certainly have had gatherings where alcohol has been served. You can have a licensed, insured bartender come to your site and set up a bar.

I do advise you to keep guests away from the entrance of your venue or funeral home, as a family could show up for an arrangement.

We must offer the family's the services they might be looking for. If we don't, we loose. Any event/gathering can be done in a simple yet tasteful manner. A drink could be adorn with a flower when given to a guests. Trust me, most people are taking the flower home.

A beverage napkin could have a simple message printed on it. The napkin could be a take-away. Guests will be so happy with the celebration. They will comment that the deceased would have loved the celebration. It is time.

Daily Candy

2007-08-21T19:58:00.000-04:00

Seeds Of Love

Passion is Gardening~ Buy packets of seeds and hand them out at a post-funeral gathering or when people leave a service. Attach a small tag with ribbon and a note thanking the guest for attending. Use a hole punch to make a hole at the top of a packet!

You can buy these packets at Home Depot, Lowes, or any gardening center. These packets take up no room to store and the family's will not have thought of this idea...Start thinking outside- of -the- box!

Less Is More

2007-08-18T17:20:00.001-04:00

A funeral home employee set up this space to accommodate 75 guests for a post-funeral gathering. The first photo is to show you what not to do when setting up a gathering in your home.

If you feed more than 35 guests, there should be two lines for the guest to go through the buffet. In this photo there is only one line and the guests have blocked the empty chairs while waiting in line for food.

This is a buffet lunch, thus the guest self themselves. The server is taking up precious space behind the serving table. He should be out in the dining area assisting the elderly with their plates or clearing dirty plates.

There should be low tables in a room this small. High top tables make it more difficult to move about. There are too many different table heights in the space. The table linen on the high top table is too short, thus exposing the metal legs. The vases on the table are out of scale. A low container with billowing flowers would be in scale.

There are two high windows which you can not see in this photo. The artificial lighting speaks loudly in this room without the tiny candle votives on the table. Candles should not be lit in the daylight. The arrangements that are in the left hand corner of this photo, are too clustered. The arrangements should be scattered around the room.

The shiny damask linen on the table is too formal for this daytime gathering. A single linen would have been plenty. An underlay and overlay for this gathering is looks terrible.

I was asked to create seating for 75 guests in the same room. I focused on the deceased passion. He was a gardener and loved sunflowers. I took small vases, places natural color rocks in the bottom of the vase. I put one sunflower in each vase.

I placed the silverware and napkins at the table, giving the guest one less thing to carry from the buffet table. You can not see the buffet table, but it is in an L shape. I set up the buffet near the entrance door. Guest approached the table from both sides making the waiting time seconds instead of minutes to get their food.

The clean lines and simplicity of this table setting makes the room more spacious and attractive.

Daily Candy

2007-08-17T12:53:00.001-04:00

Mirror, Mirror

Transform a simple coffee table or end table that is looking worn in your home. Top the surface with a piece of mirrored glass. Not only will the silvery glass obscure any unsightly nicks, scarring the tables surface, it will also create pretty reflections of light, instantly brightening a room. Simply measure the dimension of the tabletop and have mirror glass cut to fit.

An illuminating idea!!

Floral Shortcut

2007-08-17T12:17:00.000-04:00

Who says you have to master the art of floral design to create pleasingly balanced arrangements?

Use a toothbrush holder as a vase and you achieve perfect symmetry every time. Simply fill the toothbrush holder with water and tuck one or two stems into each hole.

You can place these holders in the restroom, reception area, or any table in your home. Step back and admire your handiwork!

Take Aways

2007-08-16T16:26:00.000-04:00

Your family's wants to feel as though they have left the funeral home with more than just a death certificate. They will find great value in doing business with you if you give them something to "take -away" from the funeral home. This "take- away" can be easily created if the funeral home has extra card stock on hand.

I am not suggesting that the funeral home pay for take-aways. However, if you suggest take- aways to the family for their guest, the family will start seeing extra value in your services.

This is a card template that I created for a family. Each guest was given a card as they left the funeral home. The cost could be absorbed in the printing of the funeral program.

Get creative, as this small card will have great impact on the family and guests.

DALHIAS, DAISIES, AND DON’TS

2007-08-15T21:55:00.000-04:00

Dalhias grow in a garden. Daisies grow in a garden. Plastic flowers don’t.

When the guests and the family walk into the room in which the post funeral gathering is being held for a loved-oned, or a friend, life is being celebrated. Things that grow represent life. Plastic flowers represent cheap. They don’t belong anyplace in a funeral home.

Beautiful floral arrangements, as simple as daisies or as elegant as orchids, set the tone of an event. Beauty, serenity, charm and color invade the space. Even just beautiful arrangements of all greens represent nature. An all- green arrangement is a very southern representation of floral design for a natural effect.

An effect is what you are striving for. This is an event. An event doesn’t just get thrown together. It is planned. So throw out all the plastic flowers, and do it right!!!! Make the event beautiful, lovely, sparkling, and help celebrate this person’s life in a proper manner and style.

MY GUEST LIST

2007-08-14T10:04:00.000-04:00

The Entry To The Atmosphere Of Beauty:

It is not a hotel lobby, and it is not a room looking like “loving hands at home.”

It draws on the feeling of a safe haven where serenity and beauty fill all space.

The interior design of a welcoming area and its reception area has to be just the right tone for the structure. In the southern states it is traditional design. In the west it is the southwestern-type theme. It does not matter in what region a funeral home is located. When a family opens the door to come in and do the hardest thing they have ever experienced, the designer has to have created the perfect atmosphere.

The colors used, the placement of the furniture, and the appropriate accessories are the ingredients for a successful entrance and reception area. However, this takes a professional to envision. A designer can work with the things you have and suggest what pieces should be added. Color says it all, however. Color speaks the moment you see it. A designer has an ability to choose the pallet. The fabrics play a big part in this visual experience also.

However, the most important factor is to provide the correct furniture layout. The families need to stay in clusters. They need each others support. They need to be away from a busy traffic pattern in this layout. All this a designer can do for you.

The cost to up-date your interior will be minimal in comparison to what your funeral home will afford your families in comfort. Not to mention the invaluable reputation your home will have through “word of mouth.”

Jeri Neubauer has been in the interior design profession for 38 years and has vast experience in all venues. For inquiries to enhance your funeral home. jeridesign@aol.com

Dispel and Re-sell

2007-08-13T09:03:00.000-04:00

People want to forget about unpleasant times. People want to forget about funerals.

I understand that every death comes with it’s own unique story and time line. Many times there are no stories leading up to the end, just disbelief. People feel so burdened with their emotions that they just want to “get through” the whole funeral process.

People are under duress, and it seems there is no bridge or transition from the actual death to the funeral. Directors must plant the seed to help the families personalize a funeral. This personalization begins the initial step of the finality of their loss.

The best funeral directors are the folks who take over the helm of the ship during the initial five minutes of the arrangement. The director tells the family that he will guide them through the process and orchestrate the planning. You cannot eliminate all the traditions of planning a funeral, but you can bring new ideas to the table that will boost the families’ interest and increase the bottom line profit.

The time line for funerals should not be 24-48 hours. It should be a period of time that allows the director to effectively plan and orchestrate the service to make sure that the deceased is commerated in the best way possible.

When this new- found idea of funerals are accepted, this will dispel socieity’s impressions of the old stereotype funerals.

Daily Candy

2007-08-08T13:46:00.000-04:00

Grandchildren Participation

Grandchildren want to feel needed in times of loss or crisis. They may feel better if they can participate in the funeral. Suggest to a family having their grandchildren scatter rose pedals down the aisle of the venue that the funeral will take place in. Before the service begins, have the children carry a basket and scatter the pedals. The chapel will smell wonderful. Seeing the children participate will have the family and guests smilingas they begin a difficult service.

Florists keep big plastic garbage bags filled with rose pedals in their coolers and will practically give them away. Rosie!

Videographer

2007-08-07T09:10:00.000-04:00

My grandfather was so funny when he was alive. He did magic tricks for me all the time. He taught me valuable lessons when I was a child and teenager. I know he touched many people in his life.

Today, I can share stories with my daughter about her great-grandfather, but my stories are still too in the abstract for her to really appreciate his sense of humor. What if I had a DVD she could watch and listen to other people talk about Earl Blair? What if someone had interviewed guests at his service and shared stories about Earl?

What if a videographer recorded a post-funeral reception and interviewed the guests? I think any family would find it meaningful to watch a DVD regarding how guests felt about their loved one.

This video would bring a different sense of value to the families in comparison with todays trend of tribute DVD's. The family has seen the pictures that will be on the tribute DVD. The family does not have a DVD's of their friends and family sharing thoughts and memories about the deceased.

I did have someone video tape my husband's service, however, I wish the videographer had interviewed all the guests that attended the service. What a great gift that would have been to share with my daughter and future generations in our family. The value of the video would have been even greater if the guests had been interviewed.

Funeral homes need to start offering video graphing services to their families. It would generate more profit than a tribute DVD and have a greater value to the family in the coming weeks, after the service and internment.

Funeral Directors need to have a good relationship with a local videographer. In the arrangements with the family, the director needs to refer to the videographer by name. You should not say to the family "we can arrange to have a videographer". You need to act as though the videographer is part of your staff. You need to have relationship with this videographer. You can refer to his style by saying to the family, "Jim is very unobtrusive when he is taping". "Jim has makes our guests feel safe in sharing their thoughts on camera with him".

A family would receive their DVD in the mail after a few weeks from the service. This would be a perfect time to include a handwritten note thanking them for their business and offering additional services that your home offers for post-funerals.

Tribute DVD's

2007-08-06T07:52:00.000-04:00

I love tribute DVD's. I make them for my family and friends for their birthdays, give them as holiday gifts, and make them for my daughter just because I love her. I have also been known to make them for my clients as a token of my appreciation for their business.

I have all the music I need on my itunes collection to personalize the DVD. I know how to drop and drag pictures from iphoto, and burn a DVD. They are fun to receive and easy to make.

Today there are few services where you don't see a DVD Tribute rolling. The family has gathered a dozen or so photos of their loved one and handed them off to the funeral home to make the DVD. Families pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars to have these special DVD's produced.

When guests arrive at the chapel or funeral home they stop in their tracks and begin watching the DVD. They give a little chuckle here and there, or wipe a tear away as they view the DVD.

But how many times during an hour, or an hour and a half do you really want to see the pictures over and over? After about three continuous runs, the DVD begins to loose it's impact. I have sat through many services where the DVD is rolling throughout the mass, the eulogies, and as the families are saying goodbye to their loved one.

If continuously running these tribute DVD's during a funeral service or memorial is where we are today in terms of personalization and commemoration, we have a long way to go!!!

Watching DVD's are a "PASSIVE" way to commemorate the deceased. People stand around and watch the DVD, and then get bored or walk away from the screen. I have observed this over and over again.

I recently attended a funeral for a friend of mine who was murdered. They had a DVD playing for several hours. People became restless as the visitation was before the service, so they had too much time on their hands. My friend was a scuba diver. There was never any picture or mention of her favorite sport. Her funeral was plain as vanilla, yet her personality was so outgoing and she was so full of life. Her service did not match her personality at all.

Maybe DVD's should be incorporated into part of the service. Maybe it would be more powerful if the tribute was not continuously running throughout the entire service or as the guests gather. I think DVD's are a lovely addition to any service, but it should not be the main focus and there should be a time limit as to how long the DVD run.

This is a case where the Funeral Director should advise families on what is appropriate and how long the DVD's should runs.

Daily Candy

2007-08-04T19:51:00.000-04:00

~Children, Teenagers, and Young Adults~

A wonderful way to create unity, and solidarity in grief. This is a sure way of personalizing a deceased child or young adult. These rubber bracelets are inexpensive and can be easily ordered and shipped in time for your service. This is probably one of the most powerful take-aways that you can provide for the deceased peers. They come in so many colors to choose from. Click here to order.

8 Random Things About Me

2007-08-02T07:32:00.000-04:00

I was tag by my friend Tim Totten, who is an outstanding blogger @ Final Embrace.

Here are the official rules of the game!

~Post the rules of the game before you share your random eight

~List eight random facts about yourself

~At the end of your post tag 8 people and list their names linking to them
~ Leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged

THE RANDOM EIGHT!

1. My newest obsession is spinning at the gym (stationary biking). It is the worst of times and the best of times.

2. I usually can't go a day without reading the gossip blogs......dlisted, TMZ.

3. I tear apart magazines to use as resources for ideas.

4. I much rather plan a funeral than a wedding.

5. Can't stand to have the inside of my car dirty.

6. I am fascinated by NBC's new season " To Catch A Predator", these guys are so sick and dumb, most of them have seen the show, and they still show up....

7. I am a huge LA Lakers fan... I love to watch basketball courtside.

8. I only need directions to a location once and I will never forget how to get there again.

Here is my tag list:

Felipe Buccianti of Buccinati Photography and Design

Jan B of Just A Mom

Lenette Hall of urngarden.com

Three out of eight ain't bad!!!

America Funeral Director

2007-08-01T08:57:00.000-04:00

In August's issue of American Funeral Director, you can read more about my thoughts on the need for flexibility and creativity for a direct cremation. If you send me your contact information, I will be happy to mail you a copy of the article~

Next week I will link the article to my site, but as for now I do not have a copy of the article.